


Not in Anger

by NeurotropicAgentX



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Break It Differently, Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, Not A Fix-It, RoS Spoilers, Tears, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-26
Updated: 2019-12-26
Packaged: 2021-02-25 04:48:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21970177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NeurotropicAgentX/pseuds/NeurotropicAgentX
Summary: The trap had been sprung. But not on her.
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 2
Kudos: 9





	Not in Anger

Rey’s heartbeat thundered in her ears. It was a hard counterpoint to the dusty whispers of a thousand long-dead Sith. Her pulse was grounding, vital, real, in this place of death and shadows. Rage coursed through her. Her hate burned like it had when she’d made lightning or when she’d stabbed Kylo to get to Ben. That had been the right move, both wounding him and saving him after. 

Facing Palpatine, the last remaining blood-tie she _had_ , was clouding everything. He wanted her to strike him down. It was a trap. He’d admitted it was a trap and that her darkest emotions were a conduit that he could exploit to take her over. Why would he admit it, unless he _didn’t_ want her to kill him? Every second with her emotions (the Sith?) hissing in her ear made it harder to resist the impulse to kill. She’d wanted family all her life, but not like this. Not him, the person who’d murdered her parents. Kill him. Kill him. Kill him. 

Rey raised her lightsaber. A grin cracked across Palpatine’s face and he closed his eyes to concentrate. The Force roared around them, the air humming with power. Kill him.

‘Rey!’

The sound of her name broke the trance and she swung around. Ben sprinted toward them, lightsaber blade and teeth bared. He was wounded, but it wasn’t slowing him down. The Force cloaked him, dark power bleeding across the flicker of light buried in his core. Still he drew in more power until even the blue lightsaber in his hand seemed to crackle with it.

Ben roared as he brought his blade around and slashed through Palpatine’s withered body. The gathering Force energy exploded outward, shattering the crystal in Ben’s lightsaber. The blast wave flung them both across the room. Statues broke and rock tumbled down to smash against the ground. 

Rey automatically deactivated her ’sabre as she tucked and rolled. Her shoulder slammed into a pillar, but she barely felt it. Dry dust choked her and her ears rang, but every instinct was screaming at her that this wasn’t over. She looked around wildly for Ben, but her eyes were drawn to a dark cloud bubbling up above the throne.

The air was dry and still, but the cloud writhed across the room toward a crumpled figure lying against the wall. Ben. He was alive, he had to be, she could _feel_ it. Then the boiling cloud of shadow engulfed him and he screamed.

‘Ben!’

The scream cut off abruptly as if someone had crushed his throat. Rey couldn’t see through the seething cloud and she charged forward, lightsaber raised, intent on cutting through it, of, of doing _something_. The dark mist dissolved before she’d closed the distance and there was Ben, standing, alive, but swaying on his feet. He looked up at her, pain twisting his features.

‘Stop,’ he panted. ‘Stay back.’

Rey came to a wary stop, lightsaber still raised. ‘Why?’ Shivers wracked Ben’s body and sweat had broken out across his forehead. He was pallid and his eyes were fever-bright. Rey was pretty sure he was in no condition to fight.

‘Palpatine. Sidious. He’s–’ Ben broke off and made a harsh sound between his clenched teeth. 

Unwelcome cold slid down Rey’s spine. Ben had killed Palpatine in anger, with the Dark Side, and the trap had been sprung. But not on her. ‘No!’ Rage sharpened her tone, burned away the horror. ‘You have to fight him!’

Ben gave a raspy, mirthless laugh. ‘I am. He wanted you. Not me. He’s angry. And strong. So strong.’ Each word sounded like a struggle for him. He’d wrapped his arms around himself. It didn’t stop the tremors. ‘Can’t… can’t hold on.’

Rey closed the distance between them, ignoring Ben’s weak efforts to back away. With the way he was hunched over himself it was easy to reach up and touch his face. He stopped trying to evade her and leaned into the touch with a grateful sigh. His shivering eased a little. Beneath her fingertips Rey felt the edge of the scar she’d given him.

Ben’s gaze drifted down toward the deactivated lightsaber in her other hand. His expression sharpened into something calculating and utterly cold. Rey stiffened. Even his darkest emotions had always been a molten, burning thing inside him and not this empty void. ‘Ben,’ she said firmly. 

The cold bled out of his eyes, but they remained fixed on the lightsaber. ‘You… please…’

Rey moved her lightsaber slowly behind her back. ‘I’m not giving it to you.’ Her mind was racing. As long as she could keep him away from things he could use as weapons, they could work together to keep Palpatine from hurting anyone. Together they would be strong enough to hold him off long enough to find a solution. One of Master Luke’s books, or, or some other Jedi that had gone into hiding. There would be a way.

Ben met her gaze. His eyes were filled with bleakness and pain and a terrible resignation. ‘No. You have to stop him. You have to–’

Rey spoke over the top of him. ‘Exactly. We’ll stop him. You just have to hold on. We’re stronger. Together we’re stronger than him and–’ 

‘Rey.’

‘No! It’s over. We won!’

‘Rey.’

‘ _Ben_ ,’ she snapped back. The hollow look in his eyes was unwavering. They already had a yellow cast to them. Palpatine’s Force influence was seeping into Ben like an oil spill soaking into the sand. She could feel it. ‘We won,’ she repeated in a softer voice, ‘and I won against Kylo. That means you’re mine now. Not his.’ 

His lips twitched up in a smile. ‘That’s why I want it to be you. Even as Kylo I don’t think I would have minded as much if it was you.’ He dropped to his knees heavily, moving without a hint of his usual grace. ‘Please. Kill him. Finish this.’

Rey froze. Having Ben at her feet like this was a twisted mockery of what she’d wanted. Tension locked up every muscle in his body and pain carved deep lines across the angles of his face. She could feel what it was costing him to hold himself still for her lightsaber. Beneath the vile decay of Palpatine’s spirit the flicker of light inside Ben was fighting back with everything it had. And it wouldn’t be enough. 

‘Please,’ Ben repeated. His head tilted back slightly, baring his throat. Wetness glinted in the corners of his eyes.

Rey swallowed. ‘Not like this.’ Her words sounded far away. She dropped down too, knees pressed against knees. He shivered, but it wasn’t the same uncontrolled trembling from before. 

The galaxy was a hard, hostile place and you had to fight tooth and nail for everything you wanted. Sometimes you were strong enough to have it and sometimes you weren’t. She’d fought for Ben and it hadn’t been enough. Rey was used to loss, the sensation was as old as hunger or heat, but it never stopped hurting. 

She breathed out shakily and reached out to cup his cheek again. Tears against her fingertips. Kriff. Her vision started to blur too. She surged forward to press her lips to his. This was hers. Ben was utterly still for a heartbeat and Rey tasted the salt between them. Then his lips moved against her and she caught an echo of her own fierce want. Her fingers itched to dig into his skin and try tearing Palpatine away from him by force. 

Rey bit down on his lip and felt him groan against her mouth. She drew back for breath, pressing her forehead against his shoulder. From this angle she could see his fists clenched against his thighs. He wasn’t going to risk touching her, not with another mind pushing him toward violence, retaliation, the dark.

Rey buried a hand in his thick hair and made sure he was looking over her shoulder. ‘When I do this, you have to hold him,’ she said.

‘I know. What you’re feeling when you… he won’t be able to jump. Not like this.’

Rey nodded. In one sharp move she brought her lightsaber up to his chest. He barely had time to draw a breath before she activated the blade. ‘I’m sorry,’ she whispered.

She deactivated her lightsaber and watched Ben’s body crumple to the ground. The Force howled through the silent throne room, a maelstrom of Palpatine’s dark energies and countless dead Sith. It raged around her, but she was focused on the flicker of light that flared bright before dimming to nothing. That was a look of peace on his face, she told herself sternly. 

Ben’s body vanished and his clothes settled gently. Then even the Force went calm and everything was cold and silent once more. Rey scrubbed at her eyes and stood, clipping her ’saber to her belt. Loss settled across her shoulders and she straightened beneath its familiar weight. For the first time in her life she had other people waiting for her. People who could help her carry that weight, people who _wanted_ to help. 

‘Goodbye, Ben.’ Her words echoed in the still, dry air. And maybe it was more than her imagination that felt a reply.

**Author's Note:**

> Well that’s how _I_ thought it would happen.


End file.
